


Keep Your Lovers Close (And Your Guns Closer)

by ILLEGAILE



Series: Mercedorks AMG Works [9]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, And it's not Fair, Assasination, Brocedes, But they find love I promise, Character Death, Crime, Death, Detective, Drug Dealing, Drug cartels, Drug trafficking, Everyone Loves Seb, Implied Relationships, It's not even funny just rlly depressing, Kidnapping, Killing, Kimando, Kimi Being A Badass, LIKE UNREQUITED AS HECK, M/M, OOPS SPOILED IT, One-Sided Attraction, SUICIDEEEEE, Sebastidan, Serial Killers, Suicide, and stuff, established relationships - Freeform, i warned you, implied suicide, mafia, obviously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-04-26 05:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4991722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILLEGAILE/pseuds/ILLEGAILE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kimi likes his life as a freelance private detective. It’s quiet and peaceful and an all around good job for a person of his skill set. Or, at least it was nice until Daniel Ricciardo showed up at his doorstep.</p><p>“I need you to help me find someone.” Daniel coughed, frowning at him under the spring downpour.<br/>“Not interested.” Kimi moved to shut the door.<br/>Dan jammed his foot against the wood, determined to reach him. “His name is Sebastian Vettel.”</p><p>Well well well. Kimi raised a brow at him. Speak of the devil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Day Is My Enemy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [princessrosberg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessrosberg/gifts).



> Check out princessrosberg's mix for this fic on 8tracks. It's called "trust me, i'm finnish". The songs on the mix are also the inspiration of the Chapter Titles.

 

 

 

 

> **The Day is my Enemy, the Night is my Friend.** \- _The Day is My Enemy (The Prodigy)_

Dan was awoken to the sound of shrill ringing. He blinked awake, blearily reaching for his cellphone still stuck in his back pants pocket. He pressed the answer button blindly. “Hello?”

He could hear heavy breathing, like the person on the other end of the line was pretending to be Darth Vadar. “Hello? Mate?” he checked the caller ID. It was an unknown number it looked like. He was about to hang up when the person finally spoke. “Hello, Mister Ricciardo.” The man laughed ominously.

“Do I know you?” Dan frowned, sitting up.

More ominous laughter filled the silence. “No, but I have a feeling we’ll be in touch.” He snickered.

“What are you talking-”

“Maybe you should check on your fiancé, Mister Ricciardo.” Dan’s eyes widened, he can’t possibly know. “Wouldn’t want to lose such a talented novelist.”

Daniel raced up the steps to their bedroom, finding it empty. “Where is he? Where is Sebastian?” He screamed into the receiver, hands mussing his hair. “What do you want?” he choked back a sob. If they lay one hand on Sebastian they’re going to regret it. So help him-

“We have demands Mister Ricciardo.” He started snickering again, like a lunatic. “It’s not that simple.”

“Tell me, I’ll give you anything.” Dan stuttered, taking a seat before his knees gave out beneath him. “How much does your fiancé weigh, Mister Ricciardo?” He could feel the smirk on the kidnappers face through the receiver. He suddenly felt ill at ease, like he was being watched. Sebastian, his Seb, had been taken from him so easily. His free hand fisted in the cushions of the couch.

“Fifty-nine kilograms.” He answered.

“Impressive,” the kidnapper hummed pleased with his cooperation. “We want however much that is if it was in cocaine.”

Dan’s jaw fell slack. “That’s- that’s a hundred per gram.  That’s-” Dan fumbled to solve for it.

“Take your time, for now we will have fun with little Sebby here-”

 

“Six Million” Dan shouted, having worked it out by the time a short creak of a door sounded from somewhere near the kidnapper. “Six Million Dollars.”

“You’re heavy aren’t you? Wow.” The kidnapper purred, the sound of duct tape being pulled off made Dan wince. “Say hello.”

“Dan?” an unmistakable whisper and Dan sighed, relaxing into the sofa. He was alive.

“Sebastian, I’m getting you back alright?” Dan muttered into the receiver, clutching his cellphone close. “I’m getting you back and I’m never letting you go.”

“I love you” Sebastian rasped, breathing loudly. “I love you so much, Dan. I-”

“That’s enough of that,” The kidnapper groused, Sebastian starting to scream. His pleas ringing in Daniel’s ears. “We’ll be in touch Mister Ricciardo.”

“I love you, Sebastian! Don’t you lay a finger on him you son of a-” he screamed before the chilling sound of the call being dropped silenced him. Like his heart had stopped beating for that one moment.

Then, the rain fell, oblivious to the pain of the man sitting alone in his home with his fiancé’s life in his hands.

 

* * *

 

 

Kimi Raikkonen hated his job, he really shouldn’t have quit his job as part of the city police force. No, that’s a lie. He’s been exceptionally good at that too, lying. He’s made it his mission, to coat himself in so many lies he could be anyone to anybody and no one could touch him. That was, until Daniel Ricciardo showed up at his front door.

He pulled the door open, setting a glare at the damp Australian. When had it started to rain? Mother Nature probably sensed Kimi’s disdain for this man. Well, thank you, Mother Nature. He wasn’t staring at his well-defined chest under the damp UNI QLO shirt. No sir, he’s far too cool for that. He’s the most disinterested person he knew, so why was he checking him out?

Kimi shook his head, expelling the thought from his mind. He must really be losing it.

 

“What do you want?” Kimi asked, deadpan.

“I-” Dan stopped midsentence, biting his lip. Kimi rolled his eyes and tapped his foot impatiently, the action stirring Dan to finally say something. “I need you to help me find someone.”

“Not interested.” Kimi shut him down, arms crossed.

“I don’t have the money for ransom and I can’t call the police.” Dan started babbling. _‘A quirk he inherited from his **fiancé** ’ _Kimi thought bitterly.

“Hire a hitman, I’m sure you have enough money for that at least.” Kimi shoved the door close but it wouldn’t shut itself. From the crack between the door and the doorframe he spotted Dan’s dark boot. He groaned, opening the door a little again. “I will ask one last time, Ricciardo. What do you want?” he asked.

Dan fixed his determined dark gaze on the private investigator. “It’s Sebastian.” His eyebrow twitched at the way Kimi tensed when Sebastian was mentioned. “He’s been taken.”

Kimi bit back a gasp.

 

The last time he’d seen the man he and his boyfriend – oops, fiancé now – were living happily selling drugs up the east coast. Kimi had been tasked to take Dan’s supplier out, but by then Dan had already saved enough to be his own supplier. And Kimi hadn’t been bothered to tell the force about them. At least, he couldn’t do it to them. He hated Daniel Ricciardo with every bone in his body, it was his fiancé he had a soft spot for.

It was his fiancé he’d fallen head over heels in love with once upon a time. And now, he needed his help. He needed Kimi. And no one else was more qualified to do it. Dan knew as much. This case would likely be the most difficult one he’s had yet, he was already emotionally compromised.

But, he was a detective god damn it and he was going to do his job. Awkward history and puppy love be damned.

He opened the door for Dan to enter and sighed, passing the Australian a towel. “Sit down.” He said, relaxing when Dan complied without complaint. “You’d better tell me everything from the start.” He said, opening up a bottle of beer.

“And don’t drip on the couch, grab a high-”

He heard a slip and a loud bang as Dan hit the floor. He jogged to him, helping him up off his ass and ignoring his sheepish smile. "Sorry about that, Kimi" Dan apologized but Kimi waved it off like it was nothing which was what he was best at. Pretending something was nothing, that it. "Is okay." he said plainly. Dorks, he was cursed to be surrounded by dorks damn him. Damn it all to hell.

He sat Dan down on the kitchen island on a high chair, praying to God that he doesn’t fall off. He passed his beer over to Dan, opting to open a new one up for himself.

“It’s going to be a long night.” He groaned.


	2. City

> **Grab your children, look out for burning buildings. And Vilains who pillage, they’re killing by the millions.**  –   _CITY (Hollywood Undead)_

 

Kimi loved Sebastian like he loved a cold – as strange as that sounded, because apparently not everyone liked colds – he relished in the chill it gave him. The cold was something Kimi welcomed, something that stayed with him even when people like Sebastian left him grasping for warmth. His hand never found the warmth he needed again. Colds? That’s a sneeze compared to the chill Kimi is used to. He sighed, sometimes it feels like his heart is frozen solid and his lungs are giving up on him. That’s when the loneliness sets in. That was why people called him the Iceman.

If you ask Kimi, he’ll say it’s the crappiest detective name he’s ever heard. A good superhero name but a crap detective name.

His name is Räikkönen, Kimi Räikkönen. Wow no, that’s _even worse_.

“Cold hands, warm heart” Sebastian used to say to him, his big blue eyes staring at him in adoration. Those eyes didn’t look at him that way anymore; those looks were reserved for Dan now. At least, they’d be Dan’s once he’s solved this case. And really, he was a professional; he shouldn’t be having this internal battle in the middle of an interrogation.

Thankfully, he has a job to keep his mind away from the Gehenna of his thoughts.

“He comes into this store every day, you know? I remember he gets a soy latte and a beignet; he sits in that corner right there and reads. He’s such a nice boy that one, he says his please and thank you’s and he tips just right every time-” the elderly shop owner prattled on and on. He wishes he hadn’t come here but Dan said this was one of Sebastian’s daily visits. Once he’d asked about Sebastian everyone wanted to pitch in with a story about him. Even a little girl in a sundress named Matilda, when Kimi refused to hear more she clung to his leg and wouldn’t let go until her mom took her.

Kimi bit back a despairing groan. _Why isn’t this week over yet?_

“He said he was visiting the library last week before he left. He must have finished his latest copy of Dickens. Anyway-” Kimi perked up, extending a hand to silence her.

“What was that?” he asked, dropping his hand to his paper to jot down what she’d said.

“The Dickens? Oh, it’s his latest project. Last week was E. E. Cummings and oh let me tell you he blushed like a school girl-” She started laughing uncontrollably, ignoring the blank stare Kimi leveled her way. Kimi rolled his eyes; the woman was starting to remind him of his mother.

“The library, where is that?” Kimi asked again, the store lady going disturbingly quiet. She leaned forward and looked Kimi in the eye.

“You don’t want to know, son. They don’t take kindly to-” she looked him up and down. “Newcomers.”

“I’m sure they’ll let a friend of their boss in.” Kimi said, standing abruptly, the lady stands as well holding a piece of paper out to him. He takes it with a half-smile. “Thanks.”

She shook her head, looking around cautiously. “Just be safe, honey. And-” she leaned in again, brows furrowed in worry. “Don’t trust that Webber fellow. He’s bad people.” She insisted, going back to her station behind the counter.

Kimi nodded at her, turning to leave. “Have a good day.”

 

* * *

 

 

The shop owner was right to warn Kimi.

The man at the front desk was _deceptively_ handsome.

“Can I help you?” the man raised a brow at him, pushing up a pair of clearly fake thick rimmed glasses. He doesn’t understand why it makes him look attractive. That’s the second Australian he’s checked out _this week_.

“Yes, yes you can.” Kimi blurted out without meaning to. This is why he never hangs out with Dan, the man has no filter and he’s catching it.

“Excuse me?” The librarian looks up at him through thick dark curls. Slay him now; he’s an embarrassment to society floundering for things to say in front of men he fancied.

Oh good Lord, ** _fancied_**? Who was he, Count Dracula all of a sudden? Is this the nineteenth century? Someone wake him up from this nightmare.

Kimi shook his head to clear his mind. Focus, Räikkönen. You have a job to do. “I’m here to talk about Sebastian Vettel.” He watched the annoyed look on his face become a deep frown, the flinch didn’t escape Kimi’s notice.

“Are you one of Daniel’s?” he asked quietly, hands fiddling with a pen; tapping it loudly on his mahogany desk. He almost didn’t hear what he said, opting to read his lips instead. He nodded solemnly, holding his hand out to him. “You better come with me. Would my apartment be okay?” he laughed when Kimi’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “We better find a safe place to talk about these… delicate matters.”

“Oh, I’m sure.” Kimi rolled his eyes, ignoring the innuendo. The man was a giant walking innuendo and he needs to keep his cool if he wants to find Sebastian. He shoved the library door open and led the other Australian out.

“Lead the way.”

 

* * *

 

The door slammed open, sending vibrations through the chamber. Two boys sat up, dropping their playing cards in shock and standing at attention. “Sir C-” the other boy slapped a hand over his companion’s mouth.

“He means to say, Boss. It’s a pleasure to see you again.” The Brit swallowed a lump in his throat. “What can we do for-”

A loud smack, his hand fell limp next to him now lying on the ground. His companion stared at him in shock before scrambling to help him up. “Lewis.” He hissed, angry tears filling cerulean eyes. His hands cupped his fallen friend’s face checking for lasting injuries. “Lew-” he tried to hold onto him but the boss shoved him aside.

“Nico.” Lewis rasped, shaking his head. “No-”

The Boss stepped on his lower back, his heavy combats weighting him down. “Stay down, Hamilton.”

“Lewis!” Nico got up to run to him but strong arms came around his midsection to stop his advance. “Let go of me, you can’t kill him.” Nico pleaded, clawing at the arms around his waist too hairy and thick. Not Lewis. Not _right_.

“Nico, run.” Lewis stared at him, the presence of the gun next to his head not making any difference to him. He wasn’t an asset anymore, not after he let that Webber live. Nico, he had a chance. He didn’t have blood on his hands yet.

He could be free.

 

“Not without you!” Nico insisted, cussing at his captor in languages Lewis didn’t know but was sure the captor knew. “Please.” He whispered, tears streaking down his face.

“I want you to run.” Lewis nodded, the gun pressed down until it rested on the small of his back. He knew he didn’t have long.

“You were always-” the gun lingered a little, brushing over his spine. “-his favorite boy.”

His heart hammered in his chest as he looked at Nico – his childhood friend – one last time.

“I love yo-”

The shot felt heavy, piercing through his flesh and into the cavern where his heart should be had he not given it to his blonde best friend. He smiles faintly at the clichéd romantic notion, his eyes falling shut.

 _Run_ , he willed with his final breath. _Run for me_.


	3. Aha!

 

> **A-ha! Caught you now! Caught you red handed in the biscuit tin.** – _Aha! (Pentatonix [Imogen Heap])_

 

There were a lot of ways Kimi expected this to go, he thought as he ambled into the sparsely decorated flat for one. Being whacked at with a baseball bat wasn’t one of them.

He heard the telltale swoosh of a weapon before he saw it, ducking under the Australian’s strong swing. He dropped and rolled across the floor. A stack of letters and crumpled up paper lay scattered under him. He picked one up and perused it.

 _To: Mark Webber,_ it read. It didn’t take long for Kimi to realize that it was a restraining order from one Daniel Ricciardo. And under the stack was a lone piece of white crisp paper printed on with a typewriter.

**_Chapter 1: The Troubled Man and his Lover_ **

_-Sighing, he lifted a hand to reach out to the brunette but it did not ease the pain of seeing him with another-_

“Those aren’t yours” Mark ripped the papers from Kimi’s hands but it was too late, he’d already seen everything.

Kimi got up, keeping Mark an arm’s length away. “What did you do to him?” he glared at him. The old lady had been right after all. Mark Webber was a dangerous man. “What did you do to Sebastian?!”

“I didn’t want them to do that, I just-” he swung angrily at Kimi, stumbling against the kitchen island. “I wanted to save him. They took him in front of me.” Mark panted, still holding the bat up.

“Save him from what?” Kimi raised a brow at him, arms raised defensively.

“His prick boyfriend, he-” he coughed, eyes droopy and sad but with a psychotic glint to them. “He has Seb sell drugs at the library. He didn’t like doing it but he said he _had_ to.” He gritted his teeth, preparing to strike again. “He was begging for salvation, you don’t understand-”

“He needed salvation from you.” Kimi spat.

Mark swung at him again, a vase crashed to the floor next to Kimi. Shattered pieces littered the ground like drops of rain. “I was in love with him.” Mark screamed, charging at Kimi again.

Kimi stared openly at the man as he approached but did nothing to stop him.

Fortunately, someone else had the decency to try.

 

“Mark!” a shout from the door echoed across the empty flat and a shorter man came running in detaining the taller Australian. “Need to calm down, Mark.” He said, holding Mark still and kicking the baseball bat away.

“Fuck off, we’re not like that anymore.” Mark thrashed eyes still on Kimi. “I told you, I don’t love you. I don’t-”

“Is not a reason to be hitting this man with a bat, Mark.” The shorter man’s face was obscured from view but Kimi could sense that he was rolling his eyes at the now relaxed looking Mark Webber.

Mark sat down, too drained to stop Kimi from hand-cuffing him to the chair. He glares at the short dark haired man who had detained him instead. “Fuck off, Fernando.”

 

* * *

 

 

Daniel hovered his finger over the number in his cellphone but it was no use. He’s already tried to contact Sebastian’s kidnapper again but the number was already dropped. No doubt about it, they’d already destroyed that cellphone. He would have done the same.

He scrolled through his contacts and started tapping various numbers.

 

“Hello?” the voice of his old friend replied in perfect syntax and Daniel grinned at the familiar voice.

“Hey Carlos! It’s been a while.” He laughs, Carlos’ unaccented English softens and becomes heavily accented as a sign that he’s relaxed enough around Dan not to be the right hand to _the biggest Mafia Lord in Russia_.

“Is this line secure?” he asks, snickering.

“Carlos, this is me we are talking about.” Dan rolled his eyes.

“You could have switched sides.”

Daniel leaned back into the couch, propping a pillow behind his back. “And give up being the biggest Drug Cartel in the continent? Not a chance _mi amigo_.” He drawled in his best Spanish accent.

Carlos winced audibly. “Your accent is horrible.”

“How’s Dany?” Dan raised a brow tauntingly even if Carlos couldn’t see him from halfway around the world. “Is he President of Russia yet?”

“We’re working on it, but given his influence? In the minds of the Russians he probably already **is** their President.” Carlos said, but Dan could hear the pride in his voice. “How’s Sebastian?”

Dan’s smile fell. This was why he’d called in the first place, he remembered. “You need to watch yourself Carlos.” He warned.

“Dan?” Carlos whispered, confused.

“They’ve kidnapped him. This probably isn’t their first time either. It’s been happening for years, Carlos. I’ve hired someone, he’s been doing research. He thinks this is something that’s been on for ages-” he sputters, not knowing where to start. His thoughts are a mess without Sebastian to make sense of it.

“Dan, slow down. Who has Seb?” Carlos said in a soothing low tone.

“They killed Francois Cevert, Carlos.” Dan said grimly. “James Hunt, Ronnie Peterson, Jules. They’re behind every major assassination in the underworld. They’re completely untraceable.” He bit his lip, Carlos gasped on the other end of the line.

“But, those are all-”

“Lovers.” Dan nodded. “Lovers of Mafia Bosses, Drug Lords, even lovers of their sons. It’s a big fucking mess. I-” he coughed to cover a sniffle. “Jules, they got Jules. He was so young. If he hadn’t met Chilton he’d be-”

“Dan, he chose it.” Carlos reassured. “We all chose this life. We knew it might end this way.”

“He was a genius, Carlos.” Dan breathed, another breath, another beat. He hadn’t thought of Jules in a long time. “He was going to be my successor.”

Carlos scoffed. “You know Arrivabene would have snapped him up before you did.” He answered a bit snappishly and Dan had to laugh at that. “I’m sorry about Seb.”

“Watch out for Dany. I kind of miss my brother, but don’t tell him I said that.” Dan snickered, back to his old self.

“I heard that!” a rough Russian voice shouted through the wire.

Daniel rolled his eyes again. “Of course you did, you have the ears of an elephant.”

“ _Fuck you too!_ ”

 

* * *

 

 

If Kimi hadn’t thought Mark was attractive, Fernando would have taken the cake. Heck, he could have taken all the Gold in the world. The Spaniard – or at least Kimi assumed he was a Spaniard? – had the look of a God in human form and upon perusal was just a few centimeters shy of Kimi’s height. His presence was as imposing as that of a lion but his attitude was as relaxed as a cat.

Fernando bent down to grab the bat and Kimi couldn’t draw his eyes away. ‘ _Nice from the back too_ ’ he thought, eyes flicking back to the now tied up Mark. He couldn’t help a low wolf-whistle.

“What?” Fernando asked. “Did you say something?” his eyebrows furrowed in what looked like the most ridiculous unibrow ever making Kimi smile ever so slightly. “Why are you smiling?” he frowned.

“Nothing, are cute. I’m Kimi.” He held out a hand for Fernando to shake.

The Spaniard opened his mouth to say something but closed it, taking Kimi’s offered hand instead. He couldn’t help noticing the slight pink in Fernando’s cheeks. “Pleasure to meet you.”

Kimi looked him up and down before letting go. “Pleasure is all mine.”

 

“If you’re done flirting with my neighbor,” Mark coughed next to them. “I have information you want?” Mark raised a brow at Kimi, resigned.

“Do I have to beat it out of you?” Kimi asked, ignoring Fernando’s glare. The man looked like he didn’t like violence. That was okay, Kimi preferred not to get into a row too. “Why are you telling me this after you tried to kill me?”

Mark groaned. “I didn’t try to kill you, just knock you out so you wouldn’t kill me when I told the truth. I was going to tie you up.” Mark looked down and chuckled. “With this rope, actually.”

“You were going to confess?” Kimi asked, sceptic. “Why?”

“I have _conditions_.” Mark enunciated. “I want Fernando out the door and get this rope off me.”

“You’re setting the terms?” Kimi crossed his arms. “Fernando’s out the door but you’re not getting out of that rope.” He added.

“Fernando wants to stay.” The Spaniard piped up.

“This has nothing to do with Fernando.” Mark said, deadpan.

“Fernando does now.” He retorted.

“We should stop talking about Fernando in the third degree.” Kimi sighed, releasing Mark from the ropes and binding his wrists instead. “Out the door Fernando.”

“But-” Fernando was silenced by Mark’s pained glare. “Shout if you need me, Kimi.”

Kimi laughed. “Won’t be necessary.”

 

Mark positioned himself in front of his spacious balcony, looking melancholy. His hands still tied around his back were open with his palms up. “I was in love with him and he used to sell drugs at the library basement. Men would come to steal drugs from him sometimes. He got beaten up.” Mark explained. “A lot.”

“Go on” Kimi’s eyes narrowed, not believing Dan would let Sebastian go through all that.

“I used to help him out during some heavy rows.” He smiled fondly at the memory. “Then these two guys came, said they’d save him for me. I thought-” Mark choked back a sob. “I thought they’d hide him, give him a different identity. I didn’t know they would-” he stared into Kimi’s eyes.

“I’m sorry” Kimi apologized, knowing what it was like to love someone like Sebastian who was as bright as a star but came and went like the sun always leaving you cold and lifeless in his wake. “I have to take you to Daniel.”

Mark stared at him and sighed. “I really liked meeting you, Kimi. I know, it’s in your eyes that you understand.” Mark smiled at him cryptically. “You love him too, so I’ll help you out.”

Kimi flinched at the implication.

“His name was Lewis Hamilton.” He smiled one last time and sailed through the sky.

Kimi reached out to him, but it was too late. Mark Webber had thrown himself off of his ten story building and landed on the ground with a splat, never to be heard from again.


	4. This Game

> **Even during the times when we're at a loss, and feel like they've stripped us off our pride, there's only one honorable way for us succeed.**   _– This Game (Konomi Suzuki)_

Fernando didn’t bother to try and catch up with Kimi. He picked up the nearest landline and called the police once he’d entered and found Kimi staring down at Mark’s body sprawled on the pavement below. Kimi strolled out of the complex, cool as you please (without Fernando’s number, a crying shame). But, he had what he came for and it wasn’t much. Still, a name was more than he expected when faced with one desperate witness. So, he called it a win and dialed just about his most trustworthy friend.

“Kimi!” the Italian cheered through the grainy phone static and Kimi couldn’t help a grin at the nostalgia it brought back. Flashes of a younger, more reckless, drug thief came to mind learning the trade of the real kings. “It’s been forever.”

“It has, and I could use your help for this…” he skirted around the crowd now gathering around Mark’s body, nodding at one of the policemen. He’d have to make a statement, he saw Mark get mugged and commit suicide because of depression. Something not entirely true or false. But, for now, information. “I really appreciate your help, Maurizio.”

The jolly older Mafia Boss chuckled at his ex-protégé. “A shame you gave up trading and decided to be freelance.”

“Business is your deal.” Kimi shrugged off his coat and turned it inside out, donning the cloak of a harried businessman on his way to see his friend (Fernando wouldn’t mind, not when he had a criminal record of his own for petty thefts, he’d looked him up). “This is more me.”

“You’re a secret drama queen with your disguises and grand entrances.” Maurizio leaned back, the sound of Italian leather giving out under Maurizio’s weight gave the impression he was sitting in some posh lounge chair. Kimi wouldn’t be surprised if he were, he had one in his European Summer Villa. “You and Seb, the great kid. Too bad he took up with Daniel, would have made me proud to retire to the Alps.”

Kimi froze for a fraction of a section, as he always did when Seb was mentioned. “You’d never retire to the Alps. Venice, perhaps.” He says calmly, but it hardly impresses Maurizio. “Dan is good for him.”

“He’s a drug dealer. Daniel is an Australian Mafia Boss. And, you are a hitman. None of you are exactly saints.” Maurizio said, adapting his comforting Italian Agony Uncle voice.

“Dan is considerably better for him.” He sighed, wishing he’d taken his fake ID with him to seal the deal. No matter, he was persuasive enough given the initiative. “We both know Dan is a good guy, he’s morally straight.”

“Drug dealer. Mafia Boss.” Maurizio reminded.

“They haven’t _used_.” Kimi almost shouts, regaining his composure. “They’re clean. They’ve not killed. They’ve not caused someone to _commit suicide_ -”

“This doesn’t make you bad for Seb.” Maurizio forced his way through Kimi’s monologue. “You loved him.”

Kimi sighs, irritated that every conversation seemed to end with Seb. “Love is never enough, not when you’re a hitman.”

“One day, it will come.” Maurizio honest to God giggled. “And I hope – unlike Seb – that when you try and leave him, he smacks you so hard I will hear it from my vacation home in the Alps.”

“Venice.” Kimi retorted, still disbelieving but more positively since the policeman they sent to interrogate him seemed to be checking him out. _They’re making this too easy for me_ , he thought.

“I can never lie to you.” Maurizio huffed. “I’m a fucking Mafia Boss.”

“No one can lie to me.” Kimi snorted. “I’m a fucking _hitman_.”

Maurizio hummed a laugh, the sound of him typing was coarse and clicky over the phone. A lower caste rabble-rouser, Kimi? I thought you had more class.”

“Mark Webber, not my hit. A witness.” Kimi clarified.

“Witness?” the clicking stopped. “When did you start taking cases?”

Kimi bit his lip both in an attempt to catch the policeman off-guard and to hide the stutter in his voice. “Seb’s been kidnapped.”

“You’re kidding.” Maurizio spluttered, a bit incredulously. “From under Dan’s big Australian _nose_?”

Kimi almost guffawed at that but instead used his amusement to smile at the policeman. He was blushing now, jackpot. “Webber said a name. He said the guy was the one who took Seb away. Name’s Hamilton.” He slipped his false number in the policeman’s pocket and started working on his best sad face. “Lewis Hamilton”

“Give me a minute.”

“You have two.” He says before pocketing his phone and turning to the policeman, making his voice go tinnier and giving himself a slightly British twang. “It’s awful, _terrible_. I was on my way to see my mate, Nano. Met him in Uni. And he was being robbed, the poor bloke-”

 

* * *

 

 The man was shrouded in darkness as he spoke in soft tones to his right hand man. Nico couldn't care less about this conversation. He sat in the dark, contemplating on a way to run.

"The Iceman is getting too close to the truth." Nico's boss hissed, hands (the ones that killed Lewis) clenched into fists. 

The man, the boss of his boss no one quite knows his name, grins. "He will fall in the end. Lauda did, everyone thought he was crazy."

"But-" a murdere's fingers carded through the gritty locks of Nico's employer silencing him.

"Hushhhhhhh" his voice slithered and resonated, calling to mind the snake that tempted Adam and Eve to sin. "I already have someone working on it."

 

* * *

 

Kimi turned away from the sated policeman and put his phone back to his ear. “Have anything?”

“I’m the Italian Mafia, most dangerous criminal of all time, wanted in every country in the world including the Vatican. Of course I have your information, Kimi.” Maurizio sassed. It was bound to happen eventually. After all, only Kimi would ask _the napoleon of crime_ (according to The New York Times) for information he could find on a quick CIA search.

“What have you got?” He sighed, brushing his coat off and taking one last wistful look at Fernando giving his statement. “Anything interesting on Hamilton?”

“Funny you should ask.” Maurizio coughed, clearing his throat. Subject must be a sore point for him, Kimi guessed. “He worked under Toto for a while.”

Kimi stopped, nabbing an ice cream out of a nearby convenience store to look inconspicuous. “Your rival, Toto?” he asked. “My next door _neighbor_ , Toto?”

“He’s in your territory, it can’t be an accident.” Maurizio seemed to take a moment to get himself together. “Planning on a visit?”

“If he’s behind Seb’s kidnapping and the kidnapping of Cevert and Hunt and Bianchi, I think I just might-”

A cough, Kimi turned to find Fernando staring up at him. “Whatever idiocy you plan on doing next, I’m in.”

Kimi blinked at him a couple of times. “Do I know you?”

“Cut the crap, you just made me an almost accomplice to murder. You said we were friends.” He said the last sentence with air quotations but he was grinning like a loon. Addiction to danger, Kimi thought. Best not to get entangled. “We better act like we’re friends, then.”

Kimi looked at him, quizzical.

“I know Mark was doing something shady. I broke up with him because of it.” Fernando tried and failed to explain.

“Then, why are you coming with me now?” Kimi asked, genuinely intrigued.

Fernando seemed to mull this over before smirking. “Because you just said Toto, and no one gets to Toto-” he holds up a platinum card that had VIP embossed on it with the sign for Toto’s private gentlemen’s club. “-Without this.”

The edge of Kimi’s mouth twitched up in an impressed smile.

Oh, how _interesting_.


End file.
